Why Most Young Athletes Quit-and What Parents Can Do Instead of Coaching

Why Most Young Athletes Quit-and What Parents Can Do Instead of Coaching

By the time they turn 14, most kids have already walked away from sports. It’s a tough truth, but the data and experience say the same thing: school pressure, social stress, performance anxiety, and growing expectations often drain the fun right out of the game. And in far too many cases, what pushes them over the edge isn’t the competition-it’s their own parents unintentionally adding to the pressure.

This isn’t about blaming parents. It's about opening a conversation. Because even with the best intentions, when we try to coach our own kids-especially when it comes to mindset or performance we usually do more harm than good.

I know this because I’ve been there.

When You’re a Mindset Coach-and a Parent

My son attended one of the top private schools in the country, where he was a lacrosse player.

As a mindset coach with decades of experience, I had developed a mental performance system that was actually being used in that very school-by the coaches. I had trained them, built out the curriculum, and provided tools to help student-athletes perform at their best.

But when it came to my own son? He didn’t want to hear it from me.

It wasn’t disrespect. It wasn’t a lack of appreciation. It was just the reality of being a teenager who didn’t want his dad doubling as his performance coach.

And I got it.

No matter how qualified we are as parents, our kids don’t always want or need us in the coaching role. What they really need is a steady, supportive presence. They need a parent.

Why Most Kids Quit Sports by Age 14

According to several youth sports studies, the number one reason kids stop playing is because it’s no longer fun. The second? Too much pressure. And a large chunk of that pressure doesn’t come from coaches-it comes from parents.

Consider what a 13-year-old is balancing: school assignments, social challenges, body changes, peer expectations, and a growing sense of self-identity.

Now add hours of practice, the stress of competing, and parents yelling instructions from the sideline or grilling them after the game. It’s no wonder they burn out.

Athletics is supposed to teach life skills, teamwork, dedication, discipline, but when the focus becomes performance, rankings, or college opportunities too early, kids shut down.

Why Parents Shouldn’t Be the Mindset Coach

I’ve seen countless well-meaning parents try to step into a performance coaching role, often thinking they’re helping. They give motivational speeches in the car ride home. They replay every play, pointing out what went wrong. They quote mindset tips from social media or even systems like mine.

But here’s the problem: your child doesn’t need you to be their mental performance coach. They need you to be the one person who isn’t judging them.

When a child feels like every mistake becomes a life lesson, or that they can’t escape sports talk even at home, their love for the game fades.

There are rare cases where it works-former pro athletes who’ve lived the highs and lows, who teach the mental game to their kids with a level of credibility and trust that’s earned through shared experience. But for most part, no matter how much we know, it doesn’t land the same way.

Support Over Strategy: What Actually Helps

So if coaching isn’t the answer, what is? Emotional support.

Being your child’s biggest fan, not their critic. Here are a few ways to shift from performance mode to support mode:

1. Let the Coaches Coach

Even if you disagree with a coach’s approach, your child benefits more from hearing one message not conflicting advice from multiple sources.

2. Be the Emotional Anchor

Instead of dissecting the game, ask questions like:

• “Did you have fun today?”

• “What was your favorite part of practice?”

• “What’s something you’re proud of?”

These open-ended questions create space for your child to reflect without pressure.

3. Celebrate Effort, Not Just Results

Praise how hard they worked, how they handled adversity, or how they encouraged a teammate. This helps them connect value to growth, not just outcomes.

4. Avoid Sideline Coaching

Shouting instructions from the stands not only confuses your child but also undermines their coach and often increases anxiety.